I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
