So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
