masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
