2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
