You can't special order awesome
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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