But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
