I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
We are all done wearing pants today
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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