Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
