i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
