you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
