Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
