I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
