Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
