I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
