in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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