He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She bit a glass in half.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
