We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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