I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
