can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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