If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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