You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
