Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dignity is for republicans.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
