how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
tonight lets celebrate not being married
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
