There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
this will be a night to untag.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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