she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
