He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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