He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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