guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
