Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I wish i was in the wii world.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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