I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
