This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize