nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
