I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
