We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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