Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We are all done wearing pants today
Randomize
