She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
