It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize
