too bad you live with your parents still
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
