I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
