Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
