a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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