she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
