my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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