the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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