I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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