ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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