Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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