Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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