All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
