Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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