apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
