I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
