No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
