the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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