So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
